Into commitment...
Nick Verhagen - Perspectives on Past, Present and Future
limitlessness lies beyond limitation
Infinity lays beyond limiting choice
It is beyond commitment freedom is found
Lately I have become fascinated by the idea of commitment. Numerous times over the last few weeks the concept, as elusive as it is clear to me, has come into my field. I have been sitting with it much and am in the process of fully synthesising all that I have come to learn about commitment. I need more time to fully grasp its essence, its meaning, but I thought I’d be valuable to share my thought-process and current understanding of the concept. So in some way my today’s sharings will only scratch the surface of its sense and significance, and also I do not rule out there will be future offerings, posts on substack, where I will share about commitment and making commitments, but, for now, bear with me and walk with me into its void.
I have always seen myself as someone willing to commit, and showing the discipline to see through the things I commit to. Although the reasons for committing to attainment certain goals and objectives were definitely not always aligned, commonly, I was able to, with discipline, attain them. I pushed and pressured myself to deserve and receive the validation I needed (read my post ‘into foreign hands’; https://ngbverhagen.substack.com/p/into-foreign-hands). I committed and attained, and due to this, I belief, I was always perceived as someone able to commit. However, lately I have come to different understandings of ‘commitment’ and my relationship to it is changing.
As of now I feel I am on the eve of making massive aligned commitments in my life. Of making commitments to:
Follow my passion
Live my purpose
Live an aligned life
Love my beloveds
Listen to my soul’s voice
It’s not to say I have made choice nor commitment regarding above stated matters of significance - far from it actually as I have come far in their attainment - but it feels I have come at a stage in life where even more decisiveness is called for. I value my freedom, freedom of choice and independence of self. I have sacrificed much to able to live my values, which in my eyes is the essence of our lives lived: to live by and adhere to our values. And so, in my ever pursuit for more freedom and independence I always thought
that making early commitment makes for limitation later
that having choice equals to having more chance at freedom
that indecision leads to more independence
that leaving doors open leaves me free
Yet, lately I have come to a different understanding. That by believing this I got stuck in the ‘potential palace’ (these words are dubbed by thought-leader Pilar Lesko and are not mine!), the place in which we let ourselves be numbed by an overwhelm of possibility. That though it takes courage to choose, as responsibility and discomfort awaits you after, by avoiding and not committing we let our precious energy leak. That instead we ought to choose and go through the one door that feels right for you to go through. The one of which its promise aligns best with your values, your being and truth. Because beyond that door lies the universe of your choice; a confining infinity, yet one that seems most aligned for you. A vastness to inmense to behold but within which our energy flows. As it is there, after liberating yourself through making commitments, all the energy of the world aligns and rallies behind you. And only because you, by choice, made an aligned decision. Only because you decided to go all-in on the one thing that felt most right and most aligned. All this I am realising and I am starting to gain different perspectives:
That making early commitments makes for limitlessness later
That making choice equals having more chance at freedom
That decision leads to my independence
That closing a door sets me free
Take for example marriage: it’s difficult for me to relate to this current day way of celebrating faithfulness, togetherness and monogamy. Although this way has become more socially accepted and thus expected of me its not in alignment for me to celebrate my love for L, or show my commitment to her, by marrying ‘traditionally’. Also, due to my past experiences I do not belief in the sanctity of marriage, this potentially and accepted temporary holy matrimony, anymore. So I wrote off the possibility of ever getting engaged, or married. But now with this new understandings surfacing, learning that its beyond commitment freedom is found, I have warmed to the idea of committing myself to L. fully one day. Because it is by making this courageous choice I let her know that I choose her; that I will not and never see other women; that she is the one I want to be with and share my energy with until the day I die. But more importantly I let the yourself know I made a choice. And by choosing to commit myself to her, this truest being, I set myself free from all other possibilities. I gain freedom by being free from choice, and gain independence by valuing dependence. I will free myself in the knowledge that every morning I can rise, do not have to decide, and know perfectly well to whom I will devote the full extent of my love and energy that day. Only because then I am committed to the one person I feel is right for me. Disclaimer: the timing of the official reveal of my commitment to her, to this day, remains undecided. It’s not like I am not committed to her anyways, as she well knows..oh and by the way, if and when I commit to marrying her you can bet its celebration will be on my (and her) terms and in a way that feels most aligned for us.
Above named example is one of many, but I find its quite exemplary for my changed perception regarding the importance of making commitments. I feel I will definitely share more about my choices and commitments in the future, as I belief sharing my process leading up to making these is valuable. Yet for now I am committed to gain an ever better understanding of what it means to commit. And as I have learned that, by being decisive, I will attain more aligned freedom and independence, committing myself to better grasp this concept means I live by my values, and strive for living by them more. And that’s, as I wrote before, what matters most in life for me: to live a life, full, and in alignment with my core values. It means you live for you and for what you value and see as important in life.
Its a process to learn and integrate new perspectives and gain new understandings of old beliefs, ever-imprinted convictions and world-views. As I wrote in my post on reflecting (“into the mirror”; https://ngbverhagen.substack.com/p/into-the-mirror) it takes courage to see things are different than what we thought was true. By doing so, by being able to reflect on my own, and write them down in these posts, I know I create value. I go through this process because I want to see change, and - I can honestly say - change in my life is something I definitively realised for myself. Allowing change and being committed to making bold chances in life, in the end, I belief, makes us human. Makes us more whole. More true. More aligned and free. And it is this, and more, I wish for you to feel, my readers…and so I will stay committed to you and to bringing truths likes the one shared today.
Thanks for your support! Salve!
Yours truly,
Nick…
PS: don’t forget to subscribe to be the first to read my perspectives and reflections!
Also, I am curious to hear what your understandings are concerning commitment! Where have you made large commitments that helped you in being more free? Thanks for your reply!