“It always felt, that it was wrong,
To lay my world in foreign hands”
These are words of truth written by singer-songwriter George Ogilvie. These are from a song he wrote about claiming one’s own life, about resurrection, rebirth and re-validation of self. And it is these lyrics, the song’s chorus and chanting, that ring true, that ring true to me…
The song is a reminder for me how often I have given myself away. How many of the sparse of my lief I have given away to others. How much of my life I have lived for others. How much of it I have not lived but laid in foreign hands. All for reasons I, today, cannot appreciate, nor can come to understand fully. I consciously and unconsciously laid my world in foreign hands because I wished:
To be loved
To belong
To be longed for
To be seen
To be witnessed
To be valuable
And to be validated.
Into validation…This too would have been an apt title for this post. Because, as I am human, I seek validation. Constantly. I search for approval and have a desire to be in resonance with others. Therefore I adapt, I change myself, and make sure I fit in. Whenever and wherever. Because, as I am human, I want to be perceived as worthy of people’s attention. I want them to believe I’m worthy of their time, worthy of their love and worthy enough to be seen and witnessed. I seek externally for what lacks internally: the perception of worthiness And so I search for my legitimacy in life by being all and everything but myself.