This post is the first instalment of a diptych on order and chaos. It’s a creation, like a two-panelled painting, in which I will share with you my current understanding of both concepts. A post in which I will relate these to my current undertakings. This is a perspective in writing. My perspective, and I chose to start with ORDER.
Because order is the predictable. It’s the explained. It’s the known we know. It’s the white in the Yin-and-Yang philosophy which describes order and chaos as two opposing but inseparable forces. It’s the masculine. It’s security. It’s stability. It’s safety and consistency.
All of us have been born in societies in which order and chaos constitute the stage. It’s the combination of these forces from which stable systems are created. Some of which lean more towards order, while others bow more to chaos. But each of them, in its own way and sense, is stable. Because there is not one society, where there is one without the other. There always is black, and there always is white. This is perfectly illustrated by the small circles of opposing colour in the black-and-white faces of the Yin-Yang. Because, you see, when there is too much order, chaos will find its way in to reap havoc. When, for example, a society has too many rules and regulations in place people find ways to bent them to their own benefit. And so too, when there is too much chaos, order will pave a way to regain control. Best illustrated by, for example, the disorder in traffic in some parts of the world, where the lack of enforcement of rules and regulations lead to behaviour less accident-prone.
The latter holds true for Bali, the place I’m currently residing. ‘Cause if you are blessed to call these blessed lands your home for as long as I do, or maybe even longer, you understand me when I say people here embrace chaos. Its inhabitants are more used to the unknown, as since they were born, not a single day of theirs is the same or is predictable. They welcome disarray. They invite disorder and, to a certain extent, need tumult and turmoil. Some might say that because of this the Balinese feel more alive then others, them dealing with life’s unpredictability on a day-to-day basis, but that’s something to write about another day or time. Specifically, since I came to live here not a day has gone by I have not heard the sound of hammering, of disc-cutters penetrating my eardrums or the cacophony of Gamelans, Genggongs or Genders played during Bali’s many ceremonies. Sure I’ve become used to all these sounds and to the chaos thriving on this majestic island, but at times its heavy on the ears I must say.
‘Cause, you see, I am born and raised in the Netherlands, a country famous for its flat lands and false sense of security. It’s part of the West, is wealthy and both safe and secure. Its streets are clean. Its stores are filled. Rules and regulations apply within its stable society and are enforced reasonably well. Of course chaos is to be found, but in my experience they are limited to days of festivities where people wake up from the spell of predictability. Nevertheless, recently I have come to crave its consistency. I long for its stability, cleanliness and comfort. I long for more order and less chaos. I long to see my friends and family, but I have these feelings on-going and are not only felt recently. For months now I have embraced chaos. I have welcomed disorder in my life. I have invited discomfort for the sole reason of growing and becoming the man I am today. For which I chose and am most grateful. However, Bali, and the energy harboured by its beaches, volcanos and jungle forests can have a disconcerting and unsettling impact on the system, I find. And so I have a current need for more European standards, for more order, for the ‘known’ I have known for all my life.
Yet, I know that this need comes from a false belief I hold dear. In due course I will return, though likely short, to the Netherlands, but I know now it is not its safe and secure surroundings that will provide me with the security I desire and covet at this stage in life. For a short time I am sure it will, but definitely not in the long run. Because I have come to understand I need chaos in life. I need aliveness and to live and deal with life’s inconsistencies and unpredictabilities. I, creative as I am, crave variety in life (read my post “into creation…” to learn about my creativeness). I want the unknown because I know who I am and what I need today. At least more now than I did before. Before coming to Bali. And so as I’ve come to long for more order and therefore wish to be in my home country, I too realised I am searching for it externally, rather than internally.
As it is me, and only me, who can provide me with the security I seek. Not other people. Not other places or faces. Only me. And so, you see, I will provide. I will bring balance to my system constituted of chaos and order. I harbour both sides, one open and creative craving chaos, the other more rigid and strict revering order. I will walk the line, fine and thin, between Yin and Yang. Between order and chaos, because both forces flow within me. And to do this, to harmonise them and provide a safe haven for self, I have come to meditate more. A practice I find helpful to control when chaos reigns, or when order needs to be released. As too much of any of these requires adaptation, minute alternations, through meditation. Because sometimes, or at times, when disorder flourishes in life, whether you live on Bali or in the Netherlands, or when routines make life too repetitive, making changes to your life is a necessity. Read my post “into mirror…” if you want to learn about the changes I needed to make, in life and in my perspective on life, to board the plane to Bali.
So today I wrote about my current phase, in which chaos reigns and in which I wish for more order. I say phase cause I belief this, the prevailing of one force over the other, in my case chaos over order, is all cyclical and short-term. At times we dive deep into chaos to search for more truths about life and about ourselves, all to create a new order of self; to create and birth into being a new and stronger image of self. Just like I have done many times over the last ten years, so as to become who I am today, and to be where I am today. So in that sense I belief, with my current cravings for more safety and stability, I am only preparing to go back into chaos, back into the void. And as I will I promise to take you with me on this journey, now of finding more security and soon of finding more truth about myself. So, if you dare to be and walk with me, please subscribe! I am forever grateful for your support!
Next week I will share with you the second instalment of this two-fold creation. On chaos. And on the chaos residing within me. Until then I suggest you read my other posts and let yourself be surprised by my other perspectives on life. By my other perspectives on Past, Present and Future.
Thanks and salut,
Yours truly,
Nick