No Man's Land (My Journey into Manhood, #1)
Nick Verhagen - Perspectives on Past, Present and Future
I am no man…
Is a lie I told myself over and over. For years and years. Adolescent me, someday a man to be, was sure he was no man. I had some biological attributes that made people qualify me as a man, but I was small, had no facial hair and was inadequate with women. More importantly, I didn’t feel like a man. When I was among other men I never felt equal. I always believed my peers to be more manly than me. Believed them to be real men to be.
Living from my strong-developed feminine core I chose, while being in the company with other men, to subordinate myself. I placed other men on a pedestal, gave them the space I believed I was not owed and worthy of. I dared not compete with their energy, with their manifestations of manliness, and subjected myself. And too insecure of my own masculine potential I simply resigned
…and it hurt.
This way I gave away so much of my power, in life, at work and in my relationships. I preferred choosing pleasing over appeasing my own force. Over daring to live from my core. My truest being. I suppressed my own potential, oppressed the man long lying in wait, and subdued the man I already was being. Because, you see, I never learned to be him. Never learned to be with him. Never learned to let him out. All this time I thought he was missing or lost, he was just waiting for me to be found.
To be found by me.
As soon as I realised this, and became aware I told myself stories of his absence, everything changed. I committed myself fully to reconnecting with him, the man I was, and learning all there was to know about unleashing him, about letting him go, letting him roar and live more. Love more. Lead more. I was ready to engage with him and, through him, engage more with life, with love, with more and all for so long was already in store for me. There and then, I made a choice to live from that truest and most profound place within me, my masculine core.
The part where I reclaimed my manhood I will share in a next post. For now, I wanted to let you in on my world, and the world I knew as No Man’s land. It’s a world I’ve come to know well and I know how much being in it hurts. All around me I see men struggle with similar issues, not feeling themselves man. Not connecting with the man they are. The man they can be. Men struggling to see the full extent op their potential. And it hurts me seeing their struggles, knowing what resides within them, that sheer masculine power and potential to engage with their world. To engage with their relationships differently, from a place of more alignment, with more integrity, with more love and life.
Do you recognise yourself in my writing? Are you a man ready to reclaim your potential? Are you longing to live from your masculine core? Check out my website nickverhagen.com.
Once again, I thank you for letting me share my truth, be in my vulnerability and support me!
until the next, yours truly,
Nick